If we were to view marriage as a house or something to be built, then it stands to reason that at times repairs will have to be made which requires the use of tools. In this post, I want to talk about one tool in the marriage building toolbox that is seldom used.
This picture was taken at the launch of my first book "Got Fruit" which was a huge success! Over 200 persons were in attendance, all the books and other merchandise sold out, and the overall feedback was great! The moment in this picture was when I took the time out during the launch to honour my wife for the exceptional support and strategist she had been throughout the entire process from publishing the book to its promotion to planning the launch.
Awesome moment and nice picture right?
Yea...well what you don’t know is that we had a fight right before we came there! Although we made up by the time we got home , we were mad at each other and didn’t speak for the entire evening even up to this very moment in the picture. Now if you ask me today, I don’t even remember what we were even mad about yet here I am still presenting my token of honor and appreciation to her despite my personal feelings.
One of the things we learned the hard way is that it is nobody’s business that we were mad at each other. That mindset is a form of honour that serves as protection for our marriage and for each other from outside assumptions and insinuations that things are worse than what they really are.
Now I understand that some may call that being fake but that’s not being fake, that’s being mature and here’s why: what do you really stand to gain by exposing, whether it is verbally or non-verbally, that you and your spouse have an issue? I mean really think about that. In the name of "keeping it real", many married couples in immaturity subject themselves to dishonour and then wonder why the harmony is gone and the marriage is shaky. Granted, some issues will take a little longer to resolve than others and you probably won’t get an immediate apology, however it still shouldn’t prevent you from behaving honourably towards your spouse.
Whatever the fall out that we had was about was no excuse for me to not honour my wife. I could have easily scrapped that part because of our issue and probably would have been justified in doing so because after all this was my moment and she almost ruined it, but I didn’t and here is why: 1 Peter 3:7 NKJV: "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honour to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."
This is one of my go to verses on marriage in Scripture. I don’t know about you but I need my prayers answered! That isn’t selfish, that’s called dependence because the future is important to me. There is too much at stake for me to hold on to my pride and stubbornness (I’ll get there in another post soon) and miss the opportunity to get a prayer answered on behalf of myself, my family, or my future. Here is more Bible: 1 Peter 5:5 NKJV "...and be clothed with humility, for God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble."
Husbands love and wives submit but the foundation of it all is honour. You can’t love what you don’t honour and you can’t submit to what you don’t honour. Honour is not a feeling, it is an action and an action that is first learned within the confines of the home.
That is the whole point of the marriage relationship. It is designed to prefer the other over yourself to prevent pride and arrogance from taking over the relationship because when it does, that is when the relationship begins to die. Pride leads to dishonor and dishonor kills. Don’t let your marriage be the next victim!
Darren Wilson is an author, speaker, and entrepreneur based in Saint Martin. He is the author of several books including “Designed for Purpose” that is available on Amazon. For more information, visit his website at www.darrenwilsonglobal.com or email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.